The now thankfully defunct Bikini Bar
Part One of a Series: ZUMBA class - NO, do NOT turn away!
I know what you're thinking, and I'll assuage your fears. Zumba classes are 99.5 percent women flinging themselves around to high-intensity Latin dance music, sweating like crazy. How are you going to fit in here? Well, let me handle your objections.
1. I'll look dorky Of course you will, dear. That's how we'll know you're not gay. The one gay guy in the class can always dance like Ricky Martín. We find you adorable in your dorkiness.
2. The gay guy will try to pick up on me Don't be ridiculous. You look like a dork.
3. The women will all be fat and/or married In about the same proportion as the general public.
4. I won't be able to do it Yeah, you will. If you try to keep up, you'll probably be a sweaty mess, but so will everyone else.
5. It's the dorkiest, gayest thing ever Yes, maybe. But do you want to ever hook up with a woman, or not? If you want the chance of having sex this decade, you had better put down that joystick (euphemistic or not) and go out in the world
6. My friends will laugh at me Do not tell your friends until you start being seen around town with Brianna, the girl you took out for frozen yogurt after class and who has a Zumba body, including hips that do not lie. Then they'll want to know where the classes are held.
7. I have bad knees Wait for my next posts on where to meet women. I have some other ideas that don't involve shaking your butt like Shakira after a large frappucino.