My Hardcore Friend
This is Kizz. After reading and commenting on her blog, 117 Hudson, for years, I got to meet her at BlogHer NYC 2010. This year I was fortunate enough to spend even more time giggling and guffawing with her and the lovely Cindy of Elephant Soap.
The other night on Twitter I started ranting, after hearing about yet another sexless married couple I’m acquainted with.
I said people should be allowed to start having sex with other people without repercussions if their spouse were healthy and hadn’t had sex with them in 6 months or more.
Ok, I was trying to stir up discussion. Isn’t that what Twitter is for?
Kizz replied:
I thought, wow. Three hours! I knew Kizz was a healthy woman, but that seemed kind of…extreme…to be complaining about.
Today she clarified:
I said “That’s good, because I was thinking if someone asked you to dinner and a movie, you’d have to say ‘I can do dinner OR a movie, but not both.”
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
You guys are a riot!! Needed the funny too.
I’m 64 and hubby-honey is 58. (I know, I know. I’m a red hot cougar. Rrrrrr!!!) Anyway, we REALLY enjoy each other’s company – if you catch my drift.
I think a sexless marriage is not just frustrating; it’s counter productive. What’s the point? I have gay guy friends and straight (for the most part) lady friends for sexless relationships. In the marital commitment, sex can be the cement. Anyway, my opinion for what it’s worth.
You’re blog is great, Suebob. Keep em coming. I do like discussion along with a bit of amusement.
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I’m glad you REALLY enjoy each other’s company. WINK WINK.
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So funny. I do think I agree with your conversation starter, though! It must be a tough arrangement to navigate, though!
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If I had a husband like yours, I think the only problem would be waiting 3 hours.
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I got to meet Kizz this year too. Darling!
Yeah, no sex in a marriage would suck. 3 hours I can handle. Heh.
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Kizz is the best. I am so glad I met her. And I’m glad I got to spend 3 or 4 minutes with you this year, too.
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I absolutely agree with your Sue, if both partners are physically and mentally healthy.
Sometimes I get pissy with my guy if he makes me wait more than a day or two. He’s leaving for a long work contract in October – I’m looking at more than three months without sex! Thank god for the battery-operated substitute.
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I’m glad you & your guy have it going on. Three months! But I guess you have to do what you have to do.
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He does nuke plant outages so he goes to where the work is. It sucks, but at least he’s got a source of income. Maybe I’ll take up knitting or something. HA.
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Knitting will not help. Laundry might help. In a very unbalanced washer.
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Think what a steely rep I could have had if I’d just let that tweet stand as it was. Apparently even my iPad is more hard core than I am.
In all seriousness, though, it’s my experience that when the sex is wonky other parts of the relationship’s foundation are, too. I’m open to there being relationships where that’s not true but I don’t think they’re too common and I don’t think we should all be expected to accept that kind of relationship if it’s breaking our spirit.
The whole not having sex for years and being unhappy, though, I hear about that all the time. All the time. Hurts my heart.
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You’re right about “when the sex is wonky…”
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You are too funny! I totally agree as long as it is all honest and out in the open.
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I knew a young couple who had been married for five years and still hadn’t consummated the marriage. She let him dry hump her every once in a while. I still can’t wrap my brain around this. And to some people, three years can feel like three hours, which is better than three hours feeling like three years. I suppose. Specially if there’s dry humping involved.
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FIVE YEARS? Yeah, I can’t wrap my head around that either. My ex and I had a troubled relationship, and the on- and off-again nature of our intimate relationship was a pretty clear indicator of that. But five years – that’s just whacked. If someone is OK with not having intimacy with their partner that’s one thing, but it needs to be agreed to ahead of time.
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I was in a relationship where we had sex at the beginning then stopped and wound up staying together for nearly 3 more years before we admitted it was over. I don’t recommend the lifestyle. At least for me it was very unhappy.
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That’s one funny autocorrect! Great to meet you at BlogHer ’11, Suebob. Hope to stay connected on Twitter!
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