About putting your pet down
I have to write this post. You don’t have to read it – it’s something I went back and forth about, but then decided that it might be a kind of public service announcement so you can prepare if you need to.
First of all, thank you for all of your kind wishes on Goldie’s passing. I know there are a lot of dog lovers and just kind souls out there. I thank you for every thought, word and prayer. It helps to have so many people who love my dog – those who knew her in person and those who just followed her adventures on my blog.
Ok, now to the hard part. I didn’t think about this and it has been the hardest thing and I hope I can help someone else get through this if they have to do it.
Goldie did not want to die. She struggled.
I had some fantasy world idea of euthanizing my pet. I could have taken her to our regular excellent vet, but I had heard that the Ventura County Humane Society was a wonderful place full of compassionate people who love animals, and indeed it was.
I didn’t want to have Goldie’s last trip be a trip to the place she had been poked and prodded so often. She knew what the vet was and did not want to go there.
So up we went to Ojai. Here’s what I thought would happen – the person would gently inject my dog with something who would make her sleep. Goodnight dear dog.
Here’s what happened – deep breath. We put Goldie up on a tall, towel-covered table and I had to wrap my arms around her to keep her from biting the lady, especially when the Humane Society lady had to poke her again after one vein did not work. I had to hold her as she struggled hard to get out of my grasp. I didn’t get that one final peaceful moment with her.
As soon as the drugs hit, she gently slumped down and lay there until her heart stopped a couple minutes later.
The hard part only lasted a minute or two, but I have seen it 100 times in my brain. I just did not know, so I figured other people wouldn’t, either, since no one talks about it.
My dog was tough and scrappy, and even though she was in pain and skinny and decrepit and barely able to walk, she fought like hell. She wanted to survive.
I’ve had a couple nightmares where she’s hurt and bleeding and running loose and I can’t catch her. I figure that is related to that experience.
Please don’t worry about me – I have great moments, too. Happy memories, beautiful photos. We had a great life.
I don’t want to freak anyone out and make you not want to be with your pet at the end. I just want you to know, in case. Because no one told me.
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
One of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced is saying goodbye to my Neppie like that, indeed.
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This made me well up. Gah. It’s a hard truth. Sniff.
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I’m so sorry. We had our Lily put to sleep due to bone cancer, and she was healthy and strong otherwise. The vet came to our home because Lily was SO stressed at the vet. And.. I had forgotten how she struggled and cried every time she’d ever had blood drawn, and I had to hold her head while she cried until the drugs worked. The only thing I’m sure of is it would have been worse to be in a little exam room at the vet’s office. I like to think her last feeling was relief when the pain from the cancer subsided and she relaxed, and me cradling her head. It can also be very peaceful, we’ve had 4 dogs put to sleep, all old, and Lily was the exception. It is hard to get over.
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Thank you. For the courage to write this. I always think being prepared is the best way to go into a situation. You’re one awesome lady.
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Oh, Goldie. But of course she did. Sending you much, much love.
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PS – I am SockMonkey61 on Twitter. I always feel like a stalker when I end up commenting on blogs and Twitter and don’t say who I am.
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It’s not always like that. I’m glad you wrote about it.
Three years ago today I had the vet come to my house to put Emily down. She was in pain and she wasn’t eating, not even the best stuff. She didn’t struggle but it was still awful and I still hate that fucking vet and I still miss her in a way that’s physically painful.
I’m so sorry your girl had to go.
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Thank you. I totally second what Jessie said.
I have to admit, I chickened out and made my husband take my cat to the vet while I was at work. I said my goodbyes the night before and that morning before I left; I couldn’t be there with him.
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Thank you for writing this. I hope that day is a long time away for us, but I now feel a tiny bit more prepared. Rest in peace, sweet Goldie.
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My husband brought our black lab to be put down in May because after I had to bring our yellow lab to be euthanized… I just couldn’t do it again. That, and because I knew she would go in there with tail wagging and a final burst of energy to fool everyone and I probably would have brought her home. And she did. And the techs left the room, gossiped about my husband and this dog who CLEARLY (to them) didn’t need to be put down (which he overheard), and then had to be lectured to by the vet that yes, this dog deserved some peace. There was a loooong history of pain and illness. But it was so hard. He still hasn’t totally recovered.
What I’m trying – badly – to say is, I get how difficult it was. Every experience is different but they’re all so incredibly hard on everyone. I’ve been thinking of you a lot since you posted on FB about Goldie’s passing because I know how much you loved that dog.
Even if you did insist on using a flexi-leash on her. *wink wink* xoxo
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I’ve seen euthanasias that could have gone better and others that went perfectly. When I had to put Hercules down, I had the mobile vet come to my house. I brought his blanket out and she gave him a shot of morphine to help calm his panic (his heart was enlarged and he was having trouble breathing, which frightened him). Before long, he started to relax, and I petted and held him while he started to settle down on his blanket. He laid down, I kissed his nose and held his head until he started to drift off to sleep. After he was sleeping, she injected him with the drugs that stopped his heart. He peacefully breathed his last and I laid there with him on the floor until I felt like I had memorized the feel of his fur and his smell, then I wrapped him up in the blanket and took him outside to bury him. It never gets easier to go through those last moments, and I don’t wish it on anyone. Especially if your companion doesn’t go peacefully – the first dog I had to euthanize it went a lot more like what you describe with Goldie, and that was really traumatic for me. 10 years later I remember it like it just happened.
Hugs to you, Sue. I know it feels empty without her.
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Oh Dear. I linked to you in tomorrow’s post. Hooper started having issues this week. He’s going to be fine for now, but I’m not ready to go through that with him. Not now. Thank you for your candor. I know it’s not easy to write about. Sending you some major love.
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I didn’t know, either, when I took my first cat to be euthanized. It’s terrible and the fact no one told me how it would be, even the vet, made it worse. Your post will definitely help prepare some people for the struggle. You’re brave for writing it. I’m so sorry. :(
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The hardest part is knowing WHEN. And I don’t think any pet lover ever has that definitive moment where you know it’s best for you and best for your dog. It would be a lot easier if that were the case. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Even when everything goes smoothly, it’s literally THE hardest thing. Makes my husband weep. Makes my vet weep. Makes me weep. Unfortunately, it goes with the territory of being a humane and loving pet owner. Thank God for people like you.
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I didn’t want to read this. Or rather, I was afraid to read this. But I wonder if a vet would say that Goldie’s struggling against being held at the end was a natural instinct. I had a similar experience when I had a bet come over to put my cat down. She was 19 years old and decrepit, bit when the vet came near her, she became a screeching banshee until the drugs took effect. I’ve felt badly about that for years, but I don’t know what would have been better. I’m thinking to euthanized animals that were peaceful…a friends dog where we sat on the floor with the dog and the vet came and sat with us. So maybe when I have to do it in the future, I’ll forget the comfort of the vet and the examining table and get down on the floor.
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Thank you for this post. And I am so sorry for your loss. It is tough. My Killian paced the room and threw up….it was unnerving. So they had to clean up before they came in again with the drugs. But, the people were wonderful and compassionate as I sat there bawling and snotting all over. Peace and blessings to you and your sweet girl Goldie.
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I have had to do this for three cats, and with one it was hard like it was for Goldie. I have written about the other two because it was dignified, but with Cochese there were never words for it. He had diabetes and was extremely violent… I was ashamed afterward even though I know it wasn’t my fault.
I’m glad you wrote this, and I can imagine it must have been hard to dredge it up this way. I think most people do get the gentle experience and don’t know that it might go this way. Certainly none of the three vets who handled my cats’ euthanasias ever said so.
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We had to have a very old cat put to sleep just a few months after Lily (see above comment). I asked the vet to sedate her a little first (she used a little gas of some kind) because I knew they would have trouble finding a vein and the cat would fight, and I couldn’t go through that again at that point.
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Next time…which I hope is a long, long way away, I will ask for sedation. That seems the kind thing to do.
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*sniff*
*HUGS*
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The floor…that’s just what we did. We had to carry him in on a stretcher. He had gone from gimpy to not being able to stand up in about 48 hours. My husband and I sat on the floor of the vet’s office and said our good byes, then the vet came in and sat on the floor with us and made sure he was relaxed and comfortable.
And gah! We are probably within a month of having to do it once more – third dog in 2 years. I’m not sure my heart can handle having any more dogs. Both have been peaceful so far, but if anyone is going to put up a fight it will be Taffy.
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Oh man. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
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Thank you for writing this – but OMG I am sitting at work crying – with my sweet 13? year old Shadow lying beside me. Even though I have only had him 7 months – I am not looking forward to the moment he will not be with me. It is terribly hard –but death is not easy at any time. Remember the good times and as Goldie is in heaven – all her pain is gone. She is so happy and waiting for you – her wonderful mother who saved her life when you adopted her and gave her such joy!
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Thanks, Missy.
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Oh, I am so sorry for your loss, and sorry you experienced it this way. There are so many diffeerent paths, some are so painful.
My first dog went quietly – we were there with him at the vet, holding him on the table and he was quiet and still. He was almost 16 years old, and had had a stroke. We held him and watched the light go out of his eyes.
My second much loved dog went in a way that was so much sadder. He was old and failing, we had travel plans; the kennel wouldn’t take him, but we thought – no, this isn’t the time. So we had a person come in to care for him. All would have been well except there was a terrible, terrible heat wave while we were gone, and our caretaker just couldn’t keep his temperature down. He died there, in our home, and she had to call us in a distant city and tell us. she also had to dispose of his body – which is a lot to ask.
Our adopted dog – Mr.Lumpy, who came to us in his last days – we learned our vet could do a euthanization house call. So he passed on his own bed, in our home. But – like Goldie – though he was very feeble and on his last legs – he struggled, he tried to rise to his feet before he fell back. He surprised me.
The only common element of all these experiences is that they were wrapped in love. As was Goldie. And that we grieved as you do.
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I know you love dogs as much as I do. Thanks for sharing your stories of these dogs and of Jack.
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Oh, that is so hard. I’m so sorry you had to go through it. But I do appreciate you writing about it, because I have a 14-year-old dog, and the time will come.
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Thanks, Catherine. I wish you strength for your pup’s final years.
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I’m so sorry, Suebob.
Layla didn’t fight the needle, she was so drained – but they didn’t warn me about how fast it would go once the drugs were in. I also pictured that one final peaceful moment, but it was over in a blink.
I think very few places do enough to prepare the people for how it’s going to be.
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Thanks, Skye. Over in a blink. Yes, too fast. The whole thing – 10 years – went by too fast.
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Sue, this is Greg. That she fought like hell only makes me love her more. She lived with such beauty and determination, but her soul was the soul of a hunter. She was hard-wired to be tenacious, to never give up. That in her final moments her essence came out inspires me. I hope I go the same way.
And again, thank you for giving Goldie 10 years that she certainly never would have had without you. You saved her from certain euthenasia in 2002. There is a special place in pet owner heaven for you.
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Aw, thanks Greg, She was as tough as a boot, that dog. She was a good, good girl.
If you ever want me to sit Kelly, I’d be happy to. She’s a funny little thing.
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I’m so sorry, Sue. I had to put my 14 year old dog to sleep last year. It was heartbreaking. I was lucky that I had a great vet who told me everything that was going to happen; they also didn’t let me come back to the room until they had got the IV in her. I will never regret being with her at the end of her life, as much as it hurt my heart. I hope you know that you did the right thing for Goldie and that you being there, even when she was fighting like hell, made her last moments the best they could be. I blogged about my experience with helping my sweet girl pass, if you want to read it. http://thiscouldgetugly.com/2011/04/17/goodbye-sweet-girl/
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I’ll read your post when I feel up to it. The vet doing the IV first would be ideal. I’m still traumatized, and probably always will be, by Goldie’s last moments. Being a responsible adult is hard, y’all.
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Oh Sue…so hard. We had to put our sweet Genevieve down in February. She had the IV in her already, and had a sedative to keep her from getting up. Her tongue was hanging out of the side of her mouth and she couldn’t move much. She started hallucinating and barking. She calmed down as we spoke to her and pet her, and it all went so very fast. We stayed with her body long after she left it, and it was just so WRONG for it to be there without her in it. I’m crying now, thinking about it. I know that we did the right thing. But it sucked.
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I’m sorry for you and sorry that the end was so sad for you, too. It was over way too fast and if I could take it back I still might. It’s hard to know what to do.
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I’m a long-time fan of Goldie (and you), but hadn’t popped over here and so hadn’t heard the sad news. I’m so sorry – sorry that this day came, sorry that she struggled at the end. That’s all I wanted to say…I’m so sorry you lost your good girl.
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Didn’t mean to be anonymous above.
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No problem. Thanks for commenting. She WAS a good, good girl. I’ve been looking at the photos of all the adventures we had, and I must say she had an awesome life, and me an awesome life with her.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope your heart continues to heal and your fond memories give you comfort.
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Thanks, Nancy. I know there will be other pets, but no other Goldie.
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