Pecked To Death
A friend told me he had recently spent the day with an ex-girlfriend (long story) and in the course of the day, she gave him grief about the way he said “Thank you.”
Apparently his inflection on “you” is too high, giving, in her opinion, an unflatteringly feminine tone to his speech.
He and I had a good laugh about it. The ridiculousness of someone busting you about the way you string two words together – a common phrase – ludicrous!
We also agreed that in couple relationships, those things are much more touchy. You know they said a jerky thing to you, but do you fight about it or do you let it go? How long do you put up with being the projection screen for someone else’s unhappiness?
I was in a relationship where I got picked on constantly and I can’t adequately describe how soul-killing it is.
To have the person who supposedly loves you and chooses to share their time with you pick pick pick at every flaw, real or imagined is like water on a stone. Or on a loaf of bread, depending on the day and my mood. Some days it bounced off, taking a tiny piece of me, other times it left me soggy and melted. It never did anything to help.
It isn’t like I don’t have my own inner critic to battle. I wanted to tell him “You don’t have to criticize the way I do everything – I CAN DO IT MYSELF.”
I’m not saying there isn’t a lot to criticize. If I wasn’t me, I don’t think I could live with myself. I do drive myself crazy on a fairly regular basis. But isn’t part of loving forgiving the person for being themselves? Until we accept someone for being who they are, can we truly love them?
I also know the pain of being the Picker, the one who is sitting there thinking “If I have to put up with one more day of him chewing with his mouth open, I am going to run away screaming.” I have had minor irritations grow into Huge Issues. I have had people turn from my beloved into Oh My God I Am In a Relationship With the Most Irritating Person in the World Why Must They Be Like That?
Just wondering. How do you handle it when the one you love picks at you? Do you pick at them? Do you try to stop?