Real ugliness and The Bachelor Pad
Photo by Scott*. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Oh no. My mom is watching “Bachelor Pad.” My mom, who once thought Dancing with the Stars was too “racy” is watching a bunch of fabulously fit people running around in a house in swimsuits doing…well, I don’t know what they’re doing. I know that there’s $250,000 on the line, so lying, cheating and backstabbing will ensue.
To her credit, my mom was properly appalled by a “game” where the young women stood in white bikinis with their backs turned and targets painted on their backs. The men were brought out one by one and asked a series of questions about the women, culminating in “Which one of these women is least attractive to you?”
The men indicated their answer by chucking a paint-filled egg at the woman who was the answer to their question.
One woman was their overwhelming choice. Almost every guy tried to nail her with the paint egg signifying lack of attraction. She was a little more curvy than the other women, and one of the toothy tanned douches had dismissed her as “thick” (which I guess is modern douche-code for “fat” – which she certainly was not).
After the competition, she burst into tears, as anyone would, and I felt a momentary pang. The game was terrible, of course, and any woman would feel pretty rotten after being nailed with seven or eight Paint Eggs of Ultimate Unattractiveness.
But then here’s what she said, and I went to the ABC website so I could get it verbatim:
It was painful, but emotionally it was more painful to hear the guys say that they’re not attracted to me. Because I’m naturally just more curvaceous and nothing on me is fake, unlike half of the girls here who are naturally more skinny and have fake boobs.
It’s just like it’s hurful, especially when there’s someone like Ella, who is way bigger than I am and I don’t think she’s pretty. So now like all the girls can feel more conceited than me and can feel more attractive than me even someone like Ella – she can feel better than me.”
Wow. Wow. This woman’s whole frame of reference of beauty and attractiveness is if someone is “bigger” than she is, and she’s dismayed because now – with the approval of the men – the other woman can feel better, “more conceited” about herself.
There are so many things wrong with that that I’m not quite sure where to start. But I can say that I don’t think the men were looking at her curves and deciding she was unattractive. There are plenty of gorgeous, large women out there who are sexy as hell. I’m thinking the men had seen into this woman’s heart, and they rightly saw the ugliness within, and that’s when they let the paint eggs fly.
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
Seriously, I could not BELIEVE that comment. I felt sooo bad for her getting egged so many times, but after she said that, I thought she was such an awful person that maybe it was karma.
My mouth was hanging open.
Always remember: these shows are scripted as fully, if not more so, as any drama or sitcom. The choice of who got egged, and the victims response, was decided by the writers, producers, and show runner.
Which makes it even sicker.
I have a hard time believing it is fully scripted because, if that is so, the writing is just so bad.
I am so grateful to have reached a point in my life where I am comfortable with my own body and to not have to rely someone else’s subjective opinion as to wether I am beautiful. The other part that came along with that was the ability to appreciate beauty in other women and not feel as if I am somehow “less” than they are if they are thinner or prettier or whatever-er than I. The ugly competitiveness these women display is sick and disheartening. I already hear my nine year-old daughter being concerned if pants make her look “skinny” or if a particular shirt makes her “cute.” I want to cry when I sense she is worried that she’s not OK because she doesn’t look ‘right.”
There’s a fine line between wanting to be beautiful as a goal in itself – because I believe that beauty/fashion are as legitimate forms of self-expression as art or music – and doing it to prop up your ego by appearing beautiful in the eyes of others. Tricky business.
This makes me so darn angry, for so many reasons. I’m really trying to do more as far as changing the language of how we speak to and about others and what’s beautiful. Women like this make me feel tired. That the effort isn’t worth it. Not only is she unteachable, but her behavior teaches other’s that its OK to be this shallow. That just makes my job of trying to change the world ten times more difficult. I want to take her out at the knees (not really…OK…maybe a little).
I like the “I need others to feel worse so I can feel better” implication.
I read this yesterday and figured I’d wait to reply, because surely I’d think of something. But…nope. Wow and that rapid blinking stare that one gets when it’s impossible to comprehend something…that’s me.
Yeah.
There’s something appalling about the fact that these women even participated in this game.
What kind of compensation would make a person do such a thing?
It was a shameful game that women seem to define themselves by; who wants them. Outer beauty instead of inner beauty. It was a horrific show of shallowness!!
There are some really stupid people walking this earth…and somehow I think at least half of them end up on TV! 🙂
Huh. I’m thinking they threw the eggs at her because they are ALL shallow and ugly inside. Anyone who goes onto a “reality” show like that knows WITHOUT A DOUBT that they will be asked to do demoralizing things to other people and have them done to themselves. Why? For a CHANCE at some cash? Selling your soul for $250,000. Not a great deal.
You’re probably right about that.
Oh yeah, that was a shocker. Really selling theirselves for money. Cheap.
The whole concept is odious. That one was especially so.