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My Plans for Abercrombie and Fitch

May 8, 2013

Did you see what Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries said? Check out this article.

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon.

Please take note that this guy is no looker himself. He’s, in fact, kind of a Shrek-like figure. I wouldn’t say that about his looks if he were building wells in developing countries, but he’s selling an image here, so I figure he’s fair game.

Here’s my plan to help Abercrombie & Fitch. And by “help,” I mean “destroy their annoying, overpriced brand.”

  • Hire some friends my age to wear their clothing. I know they don’t sell anything larger than size 10 pants, but if my friends have fit four tired children into a minivan after a day at Disneyland, they can fit their lumpen frames into size 10 pants. Top that with a tight t-shirt and you have middle aged magnificence.
  • Hang out at strategic locations. Mall, high school ride pickup line, skate park.

That’s it. It won’t take long. Once the word spreads that frizzy-haired 50-somethings are wearing A&F, the brand will tank faster than Justin Bieber trying to sing opera.

Then Mr. Jeffries will have two choices: either make clothes for normal people, or get another business, maybe something in plastic surgery. He could be his own first customer.

  1. May 8, 2013 09:04

    Will you accept a lumpen, frazzled, 40-something? 🙂

    • May 12, 2013 09:24

      You do not qualify as lumpen or frazzled. Next!

  2. kizzbeth permalink
    May 8, 2013 09:15

    This is a brilliant idea. Foolproof!

    • May 12, 2013 09:24

      I think their competitors should pay me.

  3. Shauna Granger permalink
    May 8, 2013 09:21

    I do wonder what their “size 10” jean really is, is it really a 10 or an 8 parading as a 10? I’m also guessing their “large” shirts are really mediums.

    • May 12, 2013 09:24

      Like the evil American Apparel. I once got a shirt off Cafe Press that turned out to be AA – an adult large and I honestly thought “Oh, man, they sent a CHILD’s size.”

  4. Ruth Putney permalink
    May 8, 2013 09:27

    Yeah, but first we’d have to actually buy the clothing — let’s do our own upcycled knock-offs, shouldn’t be too hard, and we could get all the basics at a thrift shop!

    • May 12, 2013 09:23

      I found ONE shirt at the thrift store. I guess people hang onto that crap.

  5. Sherry permalink
    May 8, 2013 09:40

    A friend mentioned going to Goodwill to hunt for clothes and protest! Love this though my voluptuous figure won’t even squeeze in their size 10, I believe I’d be arrested!

    • May 12, 2013 09:23

      I got a shirt. I need to get someone to shoot a photo now. Sadly, it has no logo. I thought ALL their clothing had logos??

  6. May 8, 2013 15:04

    Okay, that article is hilarious, especially the part about how the writer arrived at their offices dressed like a normal person and the A&F spokesman was like, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT ON THESE FLIP FLOPS. Personally, I like to imagine an alternate universe where the company never rebranded itself and everyone at their corporate headquarters wears those big rubber fishing pants.

    • May 12, 2013 09:22

      I like your version of appropriate office wear better. “Here, put on this hat covered with fishing lures.”

  7. May 8, 2013 19:48

    A razor blade and safety pins can conveniently re-size any piece of cloting to become larger!

    • May 12, 2013 09:21

      And that would let my thighs run wild and free, which would be extra-special attractive.

  8. dede permalink
    May 9, 2013 04:49

    Word, girl.

    • May 12, 2013 09:21

      I would love to see the look on the saleskid’s face when I go in and ask what I’d look good in.

  9. May 9, 2013 07:54

    I’m in. That place makes me roll my eyes so dang hard they stick a little.

    • May 12, 2013 09:20

      Then we must go shopping there together. I can see it in my mind.

  10. May 9, 2013 17:30

    I’m totally bummed that I gave away my old A&F shirt (that would probably still fit.)

  11. May 9, 2013 18:23

    By the time I turned 30 I was pretty much committed to a principle of never consenting to be a corporation’s billboard. I NEVER wear clothing that have the company’s name plastered all over it.

    The fact that the current corporate hyenas turned a venerable institution into a schlocky, sleazy cheap cliche-ridden fad makes it even easier for me to turn my back on their crap.

    • May 12, 2013 09:19

      I found an A&F shirt at the thrift store for $1.50 and bought it. Sadly it does not have their logo on the outside, but you’re right. It is so cheap that you can see my bra right thru it. Or maybe that’s the point.

      My mom drilled it into me that you should never have to pay for something that has a logo on it, because you’re advertising for them for free. It’s pretty hard to find logo-free items sometimes, especially shoes.

  12. May 10, 2013 12:34

    Isn’t this the guy who has a private plane and he has all kinds of crazy demands about how every little detail must be exactly just so….and they are all crazy insane details?

    Anyway. I’m sure the 1890’s founders of Ambercrombie and Fitch must be rolling over in their graves seeing what has become of their company. Lest we forget, the original company was known as “an elite outfitter of sporting and excursion goods, particularly noted for its expensive shotguns, fishing rods, and tents.” Ha!

    • May 12, 2013 09:15

      Same guy. Those insane demands are always so fascinating to me. The flight attendants MUST wear flip-flops.

      I know. They were part of the great Rich White Guy tradition of going on safaris and now they’re catering to sullen skinny teens. Crazy.


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