Giant Sweaty Yoga Horse
So it has been hot. I know those of you from Houston or anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line or pretty much anywhere that isn’t here are yelling “SHUT UP” at me right now, but have some sympathy, will ya?
It’s not even so much the heat (it has been about 95 degrees, which isn’t bad unless you live in a tiny uninsulated box that traps heat and you work at home), it’s OCTOBER. Everyone else is talking about pumpkin spice lattes and casseroles and boots and making fallen-leaf crafts. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in front of the fan, drinking iced Pellegrino and mopping my menopausal brow.
I hear other menopausal women have hot flashes that last a minute or two. Not me – of course I’m special. Every day, starting about 5 pm, I have a 90 minute hot flash. This timeframe coincides with the evening dog walk, so I imagine my neighbors think of me as terribly out of shape, as they see me red-faced and sweating while ambling along with Abbie Lynn, who proceeds at a sub-1 mph pace, smelling every blade of grass and eating every wayward cat poop (I TRY to stop her!)
If I don’t walk the dog, I go to yoga, where the hot flash is great for making my brow rain sweat all over the inside of my glasses when we do forward folds. I see these Lululemon ladies, with their tiny little butts and their perfect messy ponytails and I feel like the GIANT SWEATY HORSE YOGA LADY. Beware or I will tip over on you. No, I’m not joking. I could break your ribs. Please step back.
That’s all the news I’m willing to type right now. I gotta go buy more Pellegrino. Did I mention that it is hot?
Here’s my favorite picture of Abbie lately. No, I have no idea what was going on in her head.
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
Dear Sue, Hi! I just read your blog. Your writings have always interested me. You’ve got my heartfelt sympathy. As a man, I haven’t experieced what you are going through yet I have seen the effects of the menopausal conditions so I deeply feel for you. I pray that the hot weather breaks soon, cools off, and that your condition is improved (mitigated) to be more bearable. To further help, I’m offering some Pelligrino..Which brand do you prefer? I know, you’ll likely stonewall me but I’m serious, Sue. I’ll call you during the day to say ‘hello’ and see how you are. Your friend, Bruce
Hi Bruce, I’m enjoying the Pellegrino! Thank you!
My hot flashes only lasted a minute or two but they went on for years. They started in about 2000 and ended … well, never actually. I still get an occasional hot flash even though my last period was three years ago. I asked my doctor if this was something to be worried about and she said she has patients in their 70s who still sometimes get hot flashes. Wait, are you feeling reassured yet? The point I was trying ham-handedly to make is that if your individual hot flashes are so heinous, maybe they won’t go on for so many years.
Also, if Abbie is eating poop on her walks, that’s dog poop, not cat poop. Cats bury their poop. If you see some random poop out in the open, it’s from a dog. Or a human. Oh, still not being reassuring. I’ll see myself out.
The 5 pm hot flash has now slowed down. It is intermittent. Happened Thursday but not yesterday, so there is hope.
It’s cat poop. She has an unerring sense of where it is buried and digs it up. Also, we have lazy ass cats around here, because a lot of it is buried about 1/8″ deep. And there is human poop – we have a huge homeless population around here and they do what they will, poop-wise. And yes, Abbie…oh, I can’t talk about it. Gag.
That picture of Abbie is waiting to be memed (sp?). I am not ready to let go of summer. We turned our furnace on Saturday and I cried. You can come stay here for a week or two, while I stay at your place. That way we can both be comfortable.
The picture makes me laugh and laugh!
ERMAHGERD yer dawg iz da bestest.
She is a nutty little nutbar!
My pit-boxer Bella hates the vacuum too! She attacks it! I put her outside or else she’ll destroy it. I think she thinks she’s saving me from a monster. Also, hair dryer, and garbage trucks. She’s fine with the electric food mixer though. Probably because I let her lick the mixer-thingies afterwards.
Yes, hair dryer and garbage trucks, too. And white diesel work trucks – this morning a guy started one right in front of us and she flipped out, as usual. Scared the guy’s family, but I explained she was only wanting to kill the truck, not its people.