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So Apparently This Exists

August 24, 2015

Yes, apparently I have a blog. Who knew? Summer has gone by without a single post.

I moved in late June. My new apartment is a second-floor two-bedroom flat above two garages and a small studio. The living room has giant windows overlooking a busy parking lot on one side and a massive, abundant avocado tree on the other. The floors are grey-painted wood, except for the dining room (untreated wood, very rustic) and the tiled bathroom (I have a bathtub! After 10 years without!) and tiny kitchen.

It is as KonMarie as I can muster. I have almost nothing in my house. No paintings on the walls, no photos, no knick-nacks, no TV. When I moved in, I moved the minimal amount of stuff I needed, and I like it this way. I know other people are questioning my sanity a bit – I can see the look in your eyes – but there are a couple of things going on.

First, I think I’m a little depressed. I don’t know if it’s menopause-related or not, but the fact that I had TWENTY-ONE hot flashes on Saturday (the day I decided to count) surely isn’t helping my mental state. In fact, I’m feeling rattled and weird about my body, like it isn’t my friend anymore. We are just not getting along, my body and I.

I got tendinitis in my Achilles tendons, so I had to stop Zumba (my favorite thing on earth, pretty much) and I gained weight and I’m sweaty all the time and I’ve gotten some arthritis and SHUT UP YOU WHINY OLD LADY GOD NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR STUPID ACHES AND PAINS.

And second, I don’t feel like this is my home. I don’t mean in a “You’re just not settled in yet” way. I mean in a “This is not my home” kind of way. It’s nice in one way because I feel like I’m on vacation, not at home. But on the other hand, there’s the nagging thought “You need to find your home.”

Until then, I’m not unpacking much.

So that’s the update. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen…photo 1

Avocado view.




  1. August 24, 2015 23:05

    Keep breathing. Either it will start to feel right or it won’t, and either way, you’ll make the right choice about it. I hear you on the body thing. Fell on my face (and knees and arm) helping the girlie move into her dorm, and I’m still disbelieving that my bod betrayed me, tho it was my own stupidity that caused it. Just keep breathing and you’ll figure out what’s next, I believe in you.

    • August 26, 2015 20:46

      Thank you for believing in me. Isn’t falling weird? It’s so unnerving…

      Breathing. Check.

  2. cindymaddera permalink
    August 25, 2015 07:27

    At least you can eat all the avocados in the mean time. I thought we’d only spend a year in our little house, so I didn’t unpack anything really. I still have boxes of things in the basement four years later. Though I do think of this house as my home now. I’m sending cooling healing thoughts your way and happy home hunting.

    • August 26, 2015 20:48

      No! The avocados, which taunt me (there must be 500 on that tree!) belong to a rageaholic named Tim. Tim is a whole series of blog posts, but until then, the only thing I know for sure is that I won’t be picking any of his avocados.

      • cindymaddera permalink
        August 28, 2015 13:32

        I do not like Tim. At. All.

  3. jane_gassner permalink
    August 25, 2015 14:56

    Soy, Suebob, soy. Have I not advised this to you before? I too suffered from multiple hot flashes a day. It seemed to me that they were the frequency of hard labor pains (but then I’ve never felt a labor pain, hard or otherwise, so I probably shouldn’t make the comparison. Suffice to say, THEY. WERE. AWFUL. I tried a number of different remedies, but the only one that worked was soy.

    • August 26, 2015 20:48

      Do you eat soy products, or take soy protein powder, or how? I am curious!

  4. August 26, 2015 06:48

    Congratulations on the new place. I think you should throw a housewarming; it will feel more like your home once you’ve had friends over hoovering spinach dip and talking in a funny voice to Abbie. Maybe that’s just what I would do if I were there.

    • August 26, 2015 20:49

      A housewarming is a great idea. Maybe a house cooling. Damn, I’m so hot all the time!!

      I would love to have you come talk in a funny voice to this crazy dog.

  5. August 26, 2015 07:29

    This very week I was starting to worry about not hearing about you for a while. Thanks for ringing in.

    The up side here, I think, is that you’ll be looking for it when your home appears. Hope it isn’t camera shy. I am the person who leaves her furniture in the middle of the room for ages because once I arrange it clearly it will be the UNTIL THE END OF TIME so it has to be perfect. I absolutely understand not unpacking anything while you evaluate your options.

    Cooling thoughts to you! And healing ones so you can go back to Zumba!

    • August 26, 2015 20:51

      Thanks for the healing and cooling thoughts. I am so annoyed by all of it.

      I like the zen feeling of having just what I need, where I need it. I had to be creative and make a cake in the salad spinner once, but that was kind of fun, too.

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