14 Ways to Cook a Turkey*

1.  Put it in the oven and forget to take out the plastic giblet bag.

2. Deep fry it and set the garage on fire.

3. Put it in a flimsy aluminum pan from the grocery store and dump the whole thing on the floor (In which Shane faffs around with the turkey and doesn’t get to dropping it until 2:40 into the video, but it is kind of saved by cute accents. But Shane, if you ever kneel down in my kitchen and put the oven mitt ON THE FLOOR, you’re eating McDonald’s for your holiday dinner, mate).

4. Put it in too small of a pan and have to clean the oven before you finish cooking it.

5. Burn the crap out of it by forgetting it and then try to claim it isn’t burnt. Dad, it’s burnt.

6. Thaw it in your swimming pool.

7. Microwave it with advice from Mom. Damn kids.

8. Cook it Italian style

9. Share it with a friend

10. Share it with a stripey cat

11. Cook it with a blowtorch

12. Sous vide it. No, don’t.

13. Definitely do not invite the Bumpas hounds

14. And whatever you do, remember turkeys cannot fly.

*With apologies to Reese Witherspoon for a lack of quality content.