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May 12, 2018

Back story: I answer my phone with my name because my phone number once belonged to Jim Schwartz, a guy who does some kind of financial thingy. For the first year I had the phone number, I got at least a dozen calls per week for Jim.

After blocking hundreds of numbers and explaining the finer points of the Telecommunications Privacy Act to a bunch of people (“It doesn’t matter if you are a vendor. You STILL need to comply!”), I’m down to about one call per week for Jim, but I still answer the phone that way for unknown numbers just in case.

Today the phone rang.

Suebob: Hi, this is Sue Davis.
Unknown dude: Nuh uh
Suebob: Pardon? THIS IS SUE DAVIS.
Dude: Silence.
Suebob: Silence.
Dude: HELLO?
Suebob: Yes?
Dude: Davis???? Where’s Michelle?
Suebob: You have the wrong number.
This is the part I love.
Dude: No, I doubt it.
Suebob: Yes, goodbye.

Reader, he waited about 15 minutes and called BACK.

To give the callers for Jim Schwartz credit, once I explained that I was not Jim Schwartz, none of them ever said “No, I doubt it.”

  1. May 12, 2018 14:41

    Recent call I received:

    Me: Hello?
    Caller: [something in Mandarin] [more stuff in Mandarin] [epic long story in Mandarin]
    Me: You have the wrong number.
    Caller [talking to someone he’s with, still Mandarin]
    Caller’s friend: Sir? Sir?
    Me: Why not.
    Caller’s friend: [something in Mandarin]
    Me: You have the wrong number.
    Caller’s friend [British accent]: Oh, I’m terribly sorry, sir.

    • May 13, 2018 17:26

      Yes, sir, terribly sorry.

      I am so glad to see you are still out there and commenting. Are you writing anywhere?

      • May 19, 2018 19:28

        I’m not writing. I sometimes think I’ll take it up in a more disciplined way one day but then I get distracted by a ball of yarn or the like.

  2. May 12, 2018 14:44

    I just now realized I should have started that comment by titling it “Mandarinsplaining.” BECAUSE I’M MY DAD NOW AND TELL ALL HIS JOKES CALL ME SIR.

  3. May 13, 2018 11:58

    The person who had my mobile number before me still uses it to give to collection agencies. And, he gives it to (I believe) past friends that he doesn’t want to be able to reach him. A few weeks ago, one woman broke down crying when she realized he gave her the wrong number.

    • May 13, 2018 17:27

      Ugh. I think Jim abandoned his simply because he was getting too many damned sales calls. And he was right about that.

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