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Either My Gall Bladder Or…

December 18, 2018

Last night I was driving home when I felt a burning pain in my abdomen. I felt my side and it was so weird – the pain was right on the surface, like one of my organs was right under my skin, ready to have something horrible happen to it.

I tried to remember the Four Fs of gallbladder disease, because I was pretty sure I had all of them. I looked them up today and they are:

1. Female

2. Forty

3. Fertile

4. Fat

Yeah, well, ok, I’m not fertile but I do take hormone replacement (see about 30 posts I wrote about having hot flashes 3-4x per hour for 5 years straight).

So obviously, I was going to need gall bladder surgery and was going to spend Christmas vacation in the hospital and then what was I going to do, because I have been sleeping on a futon on the floor at Nancy’s and OMG HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE?

I got home and went in the bathroom to take my pre-hospital shower. I looked down and found a long red scratch crossing my abdomen. I had been frolicking too hard with the dogs and things got crazy.

So no, I don’t have gall bladder disease today. I may not need surgery. Just send some neosporin and a new brain, please.

  1. December 18, 2018 11:25

    Glad it turned out to be jus t a scratch.

    • December 19, 2018 07:03

      In other news, I am a bit of a hypochondriac. IT’S NOT A TUMOR!

  2. December 24, 2018 15:15

    I hadn’t heard of fertile as one of the four Fs, but I had heard flatulent, so to speak. In any case, it doesn’t apply to you, as you are fine if a little dinged up, and if you are farting, I suggest you blame it on the dog as payback for scratching you.

    • January 2, 2019 14:54

      Flatulent? I am in so much trouble.

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