Either My Gall Bladder Or…

Last night I was driving home when I felt a burning pain in my abdomen. I felt my side and it was so weird – the pain was right on the surface, like one of my organs was right under my skin, ready to have something horrible happen to it.

I tried to remember the Four Fs of gallbladder disease, because I was pretty sure I had all of them. I looked them up today and they are:

1. Female

2. Forty

3. Fertile

4. Fat

Yeah, well, ok, I’m not fertile but I do take hormone replacement (see about 30 posts I wrote about having hot flashes 3-4x per hour for 5 years straight).

So obviously, I was going to need gall bladder surgery and was going to spend Christmas vacation in the hospital and then what was I going to do, because I have been sleeping on a futon on the floor at Nancy’s and OMG HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE?

I got home and went in the bathroom to take my pre-hospital shower. I looked down and found a long red scratch crossing my abdomen. I had been frolicking too hard with the dogs and things got crazy.

So no, I don’t have gall bladder disease today. I may not need surgery. Just send some neosporin and a new brain, please.