First, you don’t know where to look when someone talks to you.
My stuff always seems to be on the bench right in front of the locker someone wants to use so I’m grabbing my dozens of loose articles and shuffling them around and dropping them while I am damp and naked.
I inevitably end up dropping my panties on the floor and having to contemplate which is worse: going home underwearless or wearing panties that have been befouled by the grotty germ-laden tile surface.
I always bring a plastic bag, usually a nice big sturdy one, to put my wet swimsuit and towel into. You wouldn’t think this would be such a revolutionary idea, but a few weeks ago, the lady across from me commented.
“A plastic bag!” she exclaimed. “That is such a great idea! Why didn’t I ever think of that! I am gonna get me one and put my wet things in it.”
“Mmm hmmm,” I said. “It certainly does come in handy.”
“Yes,” she said. “I have been wrapping my swimsuit in my towel, but sometimes it still leaks in my car!”
This was all coveyed with a scary sort of enthusiastic airheadedness usually only seen on QVC, and one might hope that would be the end of the exchange. But, of course, no.
Now the woman and I have apparently become members of the Plastic Bag Appreciation Society, bonded in our clever knowledge that a barrier of plastic may keep dampness off of other articles.
“Hey, there you are with your plastic bag!” the woman will say. “You are so smart to do that.”
And one might think that the woman would have obtained her very own plastic bag by now, but you would be incorrect there, too.
“I got a plastic bag,” she tells me ever time she sees me. “But I just never seem to remember it.”
“Ah,” I answer. “Small steps.”
“But it’s a really great idea,” she says. “I think that every time I see you. I think “I gotta remember that bag.” But then I don’t.”
“Maybe next time,” I say.
But it has been three weeks. I’m wondering how long this plastic bag-based relationship can go on. It has already lasted longer than the last dating relationship I had. So there’s that.