Take a Number
I have Siri on my iPhone, of course – it’s a built-in feature. The theory is that you can talk to the helpful virtual assistant instead of spending your time typing and correcting on a tiny miniature keyboard that you can’t see with your glasses on if you are over 40 years old.
The operant word in that last paragraph, of course, is “theory.”
The other day, I tried to record a dental appointment in my calendar.
Suebob (presses button): Appointment
Siri: I show thirteen appointments in your calendar.
Suebob: New appointment.
Siri: Did you mean “nude appointment”?
Suebob: Oh, hell no.
Siri: I’m sorry, I did not understand what you meant by “Oh hell no.”
Suebob: MAKE appointMENT.
Siri: I found the following listings for “meant” on the web.
Suebob: Calendar
Siri: Here is your calendar for today.
Suebob: Make appointment.
Siri: I’d be happy to put an appointment on your calendar.
Suebob: THANK YOU
Siri: On what date should I put your appointment for Thank You?
Suebob: [Begins squinting and typing on tiny screen]
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
Doesn’t pay to thank the technology.
Siri and I don’t get along so well either.
On HGTV tonight there was some guy that hooked up his place so that everything was done on voice command. He said because he grew up watching Star Trek, it gives him a thrill to talk the fish aquarium lights off and on. Whatever, right? I got my own weird thrills. Can’t judge. I just do not like the whole Dragon Speak technology. I don’t know why. Maybe because it makes me feel stupid. Like I’m insane for talking to the dashboard of a car. It’s more of that talk-to-the-clown-at-the-drive-thru humiliation. Add to it the maddening mistakes you so deliciously recounted, and Voice Command gets my Imperial Thumbs Down. Thank you for having a bad time with it too. Love.