A Modest Proposal, Oh Canada Version
Everyone I meet from Canada is just a stellar human being. Maybe it is because they are all wacky bloggers like me, so I can relate to them. I have strong suspicions, though, that if I met other Canadians, like David Rakoff or Deadmau5, I’d probably like them, too. I even love the much-maligned Celine Dion, because I think she’s hilarious and, like it or not, the woman can sing.
Conversely, there’s Florida. It’s a state with a truly criminal governor. I mean bigtime crime, not fooling around. It has so much weird news that it has it’s own Fark.com tag, which makes it, I believe, the only state so dishonored. The latest news is that they have arrested a Ft. Lauderdale 90-year-old man who feeds people in the park.
It’s already snowing in parts of Canada. They’ll likely have seven or eight more months of freezing-butt weather.
Meanwhile, the lunatics in Florida are romping around in their cargo shorts and flip flops.
Here’s my proposal: land swap. Pack up all the lunatics in Florida and send them up to one of the less-occupied parts of Canada. Say, Nunavut. There’s plenty of space out there. Surely Canada can lend us some. Then let my lovely friends the Canadians enjoy their newest province, Florida. Or to make the Francophones happy, En Fleur.
Just think, Canadians with suntans. And no more “Florida man” news stories. Do you think we would miss them? Or do you think the heat and palmetto bugs would start getting to my friends, and they’d start acting like Florida natives?
I say we try it and find out.