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Lorelai and Me in sweat pants

December 14, 2014

So here it is winter. Least surprising lead sentence of any blog post ever. You’re welcome. You get what you pay for.

I’m mostly sitting around in my Sport Knit Pants from Land’s End (the motto of these pants is “We don’t make you feel quite as self-loathing as baggy sweats”) and watching Gilmore Girls.

I have never watched Gilmore Girls before and am not quite sure why I’m watching it now, except that I want to see how Lorelai, Sookie and Michel can support three grown adult people on a 10-room inn that required a major remodel. I’m not economist, but I can do some math, and their occupancy rate is going to have to be about 335% for them to survive. Just saying.

But still, since it is the dark of winter, that show is occupying most of my brain space. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to socialize. I don’t want a lot for Christmas, just a comfy chair and something warm to drink and to watch the damn Gilmore Girls until I am done. The funny part is that about half of Twitter and Facebook are doing the same thing, because I see people tweeting thing like “How does Lorelai not weigh 450 pounds?” (Oh, wait, that was me. Nevermind).

For the uninitiated, the reason every woman with a computer seems to be watching Gilmore Girls all at once is that Netflix just released all 7 seasons for streaming. The show ended in 2007, so we get to see quaint olden customs, like the use of flip phones and people having meals while talking to each other, not texting AT ALL. It’s like Little House on the Prairie, practically.

I have so many questions about Gilmore Girls. I spend most of my time watching it yelling questions. Like:

  • How does someone who works in hospitality never have to work nights or weekends?
  • Does Kirk really have every job?
  • Why have parents never freaked out about Miss Patty smoking in the dance studio?
  • Why do the seasons go spring, winter, spring, fall, winter, summer and change every week?
  • How many kitchen employees does the Inn have?
  • And why are they all whipping egg whites by hand? No one has ever whipped egg whites by hand since the invention of electricity. As a matter of fact, right after Edison invented the light bulb, Hobart invented the electric mixer, and everyone beat their hand whisks into plowshares. Fact.
  • Why has no one ever killed Lorelai for talking all the time?
  • If Lorelai were ugly, would she get away with even 5% of what she does?
  • How come no one ever gets pissed at Luke for having full-on arguments with Lorelai while he is waiting on them? I’d at least give him a pissy face or maybe the massive throat-clear that sounds like a walrus mating call.
  • Does Lorelai ever work? Seriously. Ever??
  • Why does the Inn’s kitchen have tiny home sizes of food products, not industrial-sized buckets?
  • What makes Sookie think small peaches are watery?

Oh, I could go on. I’m thinking of having GilmoreGirlsCon, where we all meet up at the Burbank Airport Hilton ballroom to discuss. We could have panels like “Floral Design in the Emily and Richard Gilmore Home” and “UCLA as Yale: An Insult to the Ivy League?”

Join me. I’ll be the one standing by the door holding a sock, in case Lorelai shows up and I can finally put one in it.

  1. December 14, 2014 11:54

    I loved the first two or three seasons of Gilmore Girls, but then I noticed that I hated the actual Gilmore girls. Almost every other character I liked a lot, but Lorelei and Rory needed to be punched in the face on the regular. If it were airing in syndication on some independent station on Sunday afternoons, I’d probably watch it again, but otherwise not.

    As ’00s dramedys go, I’d rather see Everwood again. Treat Williams with facial hair is not as good as clean-shaven Treat Williams but better than no Treat Williams at all.

    • December 21, 2014 10:56

      This is why you are smarter than I am. I’m still hate-watching season 5.

      Everwood? Shall check out.

  2. jane_gassner permalink
    December 14, 2014 12:41

    This is absolutely your best, funniest piece of writing ever. It is too good to just be a blog post. Enter it somewhere…..

    • December 21, 2014 10:56

      Thank you! I love me a good rant.

  3. florinda3rs permalink
    December 14, 2014 21:47

    If you have GilmoreGirlsCon, I want to go!

    • December 21, 2014 10:55

      Maybe we can do it virtually…

  4. December 17, 2014 13:49

    I absolutely loved GG when it was on. I have all of the seasons on DVD…except maybe the last, sad horrible post-Amy Sherman-Palladino one. My belief is pretty easily suspended…but I still want to come to your GG Con. I have my costumes all planned out.

    • December 21, 2014 10:55

      Post Amy Sherman-Palladino? Say it ain’t so!

  5. Anonymous permalink
    December 31, 2014 03:35

    if memory serves me rights, the Inn has 15 rooms plus a bungalow. in one episode, Lorelai said to Luke, “there’s no water pressure in rooms 12, 14 and 15.” the bungalow was where R/E stayed during the test-run.

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