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Which Gilmore Girls character is most odious? An exploration.

December 21, 2014

Now we come to the important question of the ages: Which Gilmore Girls character is most odious? There is so much odious to go around!

Candidate 1: Lorelai
Evidence: She’s an adult who acts as entitled as a Disney stepsister. She lies a lot, but gets furious when people don’t tell her the truth. She left her fiancee at the altar for no discernable reason and then didn’t bother to leave a post-it note. She sleeps with her ex-husband on the reg, even when he’s involved with someone else. She talks ALL THE DAMN TIME. She drank up ALL THE COFFEE.

Candidate 2: Rory (she doesn’t get a bolded name because everything about her is so not bold. She’ll be lucky to make italics).
Evidence: Everyone thinks she’s so great, but I can’t figure out why. Has she ever done anything for anyone else? She moons around with her doe-eyes and tiny voice all through her freshman college year, never making friends beyond the electric-sander-voiced Paris. People do amazing things for her all the time – like pay her way through a fancy-pants private high school and YALE fergodssake and she barely seems to acknowledge it. She dumps a great guy for a loser, then puts up with a lot of boring crap from him without ever yelling “WTF??” at him for being such a noodge. She’s supposed to be BFFs with Lane, but she never invites Lane to anything. When she finally loses her virginity, it’s to a married guy. She’s inexplicably popular with guys, which is annoying as hell.

Candidate 3: Emily
Evidence: She’s the world’s biggest snob, and that is in a world with 7 billion people. She bumps Baptists off airplanes so she can take her grandaughter on a spur-of-the-moment European tour. She bosses people around in a way that would make Sheryl Sandberg ok with calling her bossy. Can’t keep a maid. She serves escargot to people she knows hate escargot.

Candidate 4: Richard
Evidence: Convinced that insurance is a dynamic and interesting field. Wears bow ties. Destroy’s his partner’s career, just to save his own bacon, even though his daughter is dating the partner.  Forces a guy who runs a diner to buy golf clubs he can’t afford. Complicit with his wife in scaring his granddaughter’s boyfriend away. Sings the Yale bulldog song proudly and in public. Doesn’t know he’s a cliche.

Candidate 5: Dean
Evidence: Floppy hair. Has never said an interesting sentence in his life. Deploys wounded puppy dog eyes as a weapon. Is apparently a sexless eunuch in 2 years of teen dating, until he suddenly cheats on his cute wife, who just finally learned to cook a roast for him, dammit.

Candidate 6: Jess
Evidence: Emo-ier than anyone has ever emoed before. Tries for darkly brooding, but the effect is ruined by his poofy chicken hair. Causes trouble and havoc wherever he goes. Is rude to customers. Horrible to anyone who comes near him. Reads Kerouac and Bukowski. Also doesn’t know he’s a cliche.

Candidate 7: Taylor
Evidence: Petty bureaucrat with complicated facial hair. Know-it-all. Dresses in old-timey outfits whenever he gets the chance.

Candidate 8: Kirk
Evidence: More anxious than Woody Allen. Lives with his mom. Takes all the jobs from everyone who needs them. Runs amok naked.

Candidate 9: Sookie
Evidence: She claims to be a chef, yet is clumsy and thinks small peaches are watery. Needs a kitchen brigade of 5 in an inn with 20 guests max. She uses a whisk to make meringue and whipped cream and this is AFTER the invention of electricity. Often speaks in a high-pitched baby voice. Wears kerchiefs.

Candidate 10: Luke
Evidence: Cranky to everyone. Lets his no-good nephew sponge off him. Has some weird kind of razor that leaves him with 3-day stubble every single day. Dresses like a serial killer, the kind that disappears into the woods afterwards. Yelly. Gets married on a whim. Takes Monte Cristo sandwiches off the menu.

Candidate 11: Michel
Evidence: Almost forgot him, but he is the person I’d be most likely to throttle if I met in real life. Complete customer service jackass, yet works in customer service. Works the desk at an inn, but acts like he’s running the Ritz EXCEPT THE RITZ WOULD NEVER HIRE THIS GUY. Gives the French a bad name. Likes Chow dogs.

Ok, there’s 11 good solid candidates. I could reach into the second-string, slightly less annoying ranks of Miss Patty, Babette and Rory’s dopey roommates. And I’m leaving out Paris because: too obvious.

It just goes to show you, we’re all annoying if you think about it hard enough. Or at least the characters in Stars Hollow are. Take your pick.

Ok, step up and vote. Who will take the Crown of Annoyingness?

  1. December 21, 2014 16:51

    In a weird, bad way, this is making me want to rewatch.

    Most odious? I would probably go with Drella, who was a very minor character in maybe only the first season, but a little Alex Borstein goes a long way. If we’re confining it to the major characters though, then hands down it’s Rory. Have you gotten to the episode where she meets Christiane Amanpour yet? If you haven’t, I won’t spoil it for you except to say that you will never again see a more embarrassing display of … whatever it was that Rory thought she was doing. I am shuddering right now just remembering it.

    • December 22, 2014 09:59

      Oh, Drella! Yes, she was odious. Between Michel and her, I was left to wonder what kind of business Lorelai was running…The customer annoyance business?

      Have not yet gotten to Christiane Amanpour. Can hardly wait, now.

  2. December 22, 2014 09:59

    I hate Kirk the most and Taylor the second most.

    And you are right on all accounts!! Lane might be the only redeemable one.

    • December 22, 2014 10:02

      Kirk is so weird that I can’t hate him. Last night he said “Mos’ def” and it almost made me pee my pants laughing. Taylor, on the other hand. I have known Taylors IRL and they’re always horrible.

      I forgot to mention Mrs. Kim. I feel like she is not only odious, but a horrible stereotype as well.

  3. December 22, 2014 10:25

    Oh Taylor for reals. And Mrs. Kim was not my fave either. Of course Lane was secretive! Why did I watch this show so much?!

  4. cindymaddera permalink
    December 22, 2014 12:11

    Oh…I completely forgot about Dean getting married and then cheating on her with Rory. Rory gets my vote. She’s kind of spineless and wimpy.

    • December 23, 2014 06:36

      I think Rory is my second least-favorite character. Emily is the first. She is SO MEAN!

  5. December 22, 2014 14:39

    You are cranky and entertaining as always!

    I watched Gilmore Girls with Leah and my stepdaughter and enjoyed it – there’s a secondhand smoke aspect to how I watched it that was interesting to me.

    I think the characters are not so much fully fleshed people as stakes to allow a tent of wordplay to go up. I always dig the show.

    I’d be interested in your opinions of the late lamented Bunheads – though there’s much much less of it..

    • December 23, 2014 06:38

      “stakes to allow a tent of wordplay to go up” – brilliant. Yeah, a lot of the things Lorelai and Kirk, especially, say sound like they were written on 3×5 cards and saved for years, and now wedged in wherever they can be.

      Bunheads. Will check out.

  6. lizgwiz permalink
    December 23, 2014 13:11

    I think Logan was my least favorite character of the bunch. Ick. He was ick.

  7. January 5, 2015 11:25

    I’m laughing so hard at how many episodes you’ve clearly seen in order to compile this list! I’m also shocked that you didn’t nominate Logan. I figured he’d top your list!

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