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The Currency of Friendship is Time

December 26, 2015


The world measures in money, but the heart measures in time.

I have a friend who has become sort of a punchline with her other friends. “Oh, we really HAVE to get together!” we imitate, rolling our eyes.

She is literally always “busy.” She tells us with great specificity what she wants to do: “Oh, we’re going to get together for a spa day. We’ll drink mimosas and get massages at this great place I know. Oh, you’re going to LOVE it. Let me check my schedule and I will call you!”

She never calls, so she has become a FINO – friend in name only. I like her. I think she’s smart and funny and interesting and pretty. But she has become Lucy to my Charlie Brown, and I am just never going to try to kick the football again. If she shows up on my doorstep, fine, she is invited inside. Until then, I’m not hoping.

If you love someone, if you cherish them, you will make time for them. Love is an action verb, as they say. Being there is showing you care.

Don’t be Lucy to your friends. Hold the ball steady. There is only so many times people will fall for the same thing.


  1. December 27, 2015 15:27

    Yep yep and yep. FINO–I like that!

  2. December 28, 2015 00:43

    I just want to tiptoe in here and add a thought.
    This has been something I’ve been struggling with myself…but sort of from the other side.

    I’m super shy, but I put out a friendly vibe. I can act, I can play along, and I always accept invites, but later turn them down. I freak out at the idea of having to interact or make small talk. Unless I have a trusted companion with me, my anxiety levels go through the roof.

    I truly want to have friends. I want you to be my friend But I don’t know how to do it without freaking out.

    Also, I get sooo nervous just trying to make small talk in social situations that I scare people off and leave them thinking I’m neurotic.
    So…I clam up and avoid all social situations.
    But I desperately want you to be my friend. So I try and pretend to be social by acting like we will get together. But in reality I can’t do it because I’m afraid.

    I know this is a sort of mental/anxiety issue. And I know it’s an issue that I have. But it is really hard to overcome. And what’s worse is that some people think I am being arrogant or something, when really I’m just feel intimdated by social situations.

    I wish I could interact with people in real life as easily as I can on the internet. Social anxiety is not fun, and many people don’t understand it because it’s invisible. Maybe this is the case with your friend FINO.

    (Sorry and thank you for letting me leave such a long comment.)

  3. January 6, 2016 11:03

    We all have a friend (or several) like that. Your previous commenter sheds some sobering light on the other side of it…but I know that most of the time it’s just busy busy busy. I have felt like Charlie Brown too. Part of getting older is knowing when to stop holding the ball, indeed.

    PS Please blog more.

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