There are miracles here

I knew Trump had won when I heard the gunshots. I was already in bed, sleeping, trying to escape the news I was sick to think of hearing. I awoke to the sound of gunfire and a loud Harley roaring up and down Main Street over and over.

All night I had been avoiding the news. I spent hours walking the dog and playing Pokemon Go, only daring to peep at Twitter once or twice, flipping the radio on, then off five seconds later. Now here was the unwanted confirmation, loud, unavoidable.

I didn’t know what to expect. Would windows begin breaking?  Would there be a mob? I waited, unable to breathe.

That hour of sleep was the last I got that night. I spent the rest of the night locked in anxious paralysis, my mind spinning, thinking, worrying…

I tried to use my all the spiritual tools I had to calm myself. Prayer. Meditation. Affirmations. And finally the question came to me, over and over…”Who Am I?” I was desperately trying to remember my oneness.

“Who am I? Who am I?” I asked between sobs, looking for that fine silver cord that leads me, always, back to my soul, which is every soul.

Creaking with tired, I reached for my phone at about 6 a.m. I flipped through apps, avoiding getting up to face the day and our terrifying shared future.

I spotted an app with A Course in Miracles lessons. I had downloaded it but never used it. ACIM was something I studied for 9 years . My A Course in Miracles study group saved me. It made my life make sense at a time when it just wasn’t making sense, when I felt dark and lost and alone. Like now.

I randomly chose a lesson. Opened it.

Let me remember I am one with God.

Today we will again give thanks for our Identity in God. Our home is safe, protection guaranteed in all we do, power and strength available to us in all our undertakings. We can fail in nothing. Everything we touch takes on a shining light that blesses and that heals. At one with God and with the universe we go our way rejoicing, with the thought that God Himself goes everywhere with us.

…and it goes on.

Who am I? The answer I needed was right there all along, provided for me when I needed it most. God is good. Life is ugly and nasty and complicated. It is also perfect, whole and complete. Both at the same time. Walking the path while sharing all of this is our mission as humans. We are all, as Ram Dass said, just walking each other home.

Who am I? I am one with God. Onward.