Mommy Blogs Made Me a Real Girl
“Reaching women on multiple platforms with quality content is vital, Reese Witherspoon said, adding, “And I’m not talking about mommy blogs and 14 ways to cook a turkey.”
Dear Reese Witherspoon,
I just want to type “Take a hike,” and hit publish, but I have a bit more to say.
I’m not a mommy, or a mom, or a stepmom, or any other kind of mom. I’m childless. Childfree. Barren. A spinster. I chose not to have kids and didn’t really spend much time around children or even around people with children.
When I started blogging in 2005, and when the novelty of simply publishing wore off about two weeks later, I started looking for blogs to read.
“Read Dooce,” the internet advised. “She’s hilarious.”
I read Dooce. She was hilarious, but I also felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. She wasn’t just hilarious. She was real. In a world where it seemed like everyone was bullshitting me about motherhood, either talking about the experience with sugar-coated, pastel-tinged, Hallmark-branded breathlessness, or, alternatively, making motherhood seem like a rocky path to post-feminist hell, Heather was doing something radical. She was telling the truth.
I called my sister, Laura. “Read this,” I said. She called back a few minutes later.
“This is good,” she said, quietly. My sister and I are both given to flights of hyperbole. For her to simply say something was good meant it was better than good. Like me, she was a bit stunned.
I started reading everyone Heather mentioned. Jen B. Fluid Pudding. Alice Bradley. Melissa Summers. Those blogs led to other blogs and other blogs.
Each gave me a little glimpse I hadn’t seen before. These were people talking about their lives in the purest form I had ever seen, free from editing, free from advertising. This was what people usually talked about in small groups of intimate friends – but it was out there for anyone to see.
Of course there was a backlash. I lost count of the disparaging editorials and NY Times Style Section pieces on the passing fad of mommyblogging and the silly mommies who bothered to put their dumb little thoughts down in pixels as they exploited their progeny for page views.
Meanwhile, we formed a community, first a small one, then a big one, then a zillion sub-communities who meshed and intersected and cheered each other and fought each other and tore each other down and hashed things out in public in a way that was sometimes terrible and sometimes thrilling.
Other stuff happened along the way. Mommybloggers (and other women bloggers) started businesses like Cool Mom Picks and BlogHer and CLEVER (whose services you could probably use, Reese, if you’re trying to build your brand). They wrote best-selling books. They founded businesses to teach each other the craft. One even created a multi-media lifestyle brand that dwarfs your own, Reese.
In other words, mommybloggers started out producing quality content and kept producing quality content and have never quit. So shut up about mommy blogs and cooking turkey. You know who wants quality content about cooking a turkey? Well, easily more people than saw your movies “Rendition,” “Vanity Fair,” and “How Do You Know?” combined. Yeah, I said it.
As for me? Childless lonely old spinster me? I got an education and a bunch of dear friends. I got over the notion that women were different from me just because they had kids. I got my heart and my mind opened. And despite my odd quirky weirdness, I got loved. Bloggers took me in and loved me and told me it was ok to be who I was. They listened to my stories and responded. They called me and texted me and gave me someone to visit every time I travel, pretty much no matter where I go.
Finally, like the Velveteen Rabbit, they made me real. And to me, that is some damned good quality content.
“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
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- Mommy Blogs Made Me a Real Girl – onunadimavi
- Mommy Blogs Made Me a Real Girl — Suebob’s Red Stapler « GoodOleWoody's Blog and Website
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Suebob's Red Stapler 
Love this.
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Yes, yes and yes. This community of online women that I read and support makes me feel like there is good in this world.
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This was a very good read… :)
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Love it! As a just starting out mommyblogger with minimal confidence it’s so great to read this!
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Not a mommyblogger, but I know the feeling of starting to blog and not knowing in anyone will ever find anything I write, let alone bother to read it. Just do it. And let people know. Don’t be shy. We really are all in this internet soup together. Might as well hang out in the broth.
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You go, Girl! Yes, stay REAL and we all benefit from it as we always do from each other’s realness. Because, yes, there are many of us women of all lives and situations: child-bearing and childless; raising-our-own and raising-others’ and raising-ourselves; turkey-basting and turkey-hugging; nose-wiping and friend-holding and tired and happy and fed-up and delighted and disgusted and generally just being us … in as many ways as we each can manage to be … Sometimes all in the span of one breath, one day, or one life. Yay to community! Go you!
LikeLiked by 3 people
There’s a blog for everything and everybody. Best not to pigeonhole anyone, including yourself. Life’s a lot more fun that way 🤙😎
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Couldn’t agree more! You never know what you may come across when blogging and reading others blogs, I feel like I’ve been learning so much. I love meeting new people and learning/trying new things!
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The beauty of being a woman is we have the potential to define our femininity in all arenas of social life. 💙 What makes us Women and defines our femininity is that we CAN; we can do anything we want and still be a successful woman. Xx – sincerely a mommmy blogger lol
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I really loved it..
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This!!! I need in this community! 💜💜💜
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Ya https://browser.mcent.com/r/Ud.ELx86R8mPMusvljNcAA
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On the Internet there is place for anything and everything.
Sure, it is easy to write about the glamorous things so others can envy you, but not everyone likes to play pretend 24/7.
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Hmmm https://browser.mcent.com/r/Ud.ELx86R8mPMusvljNcAA
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👍
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👏🏻 Well said 👏🏻
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True https://browser.mcent.com/r/Ud.ELx86R8mPMusvljNcAA
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I really liked this article a lot!
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“I just want to type “Take a hike,” and hit publish, but I have a bit more to say.”
I am glad you had so much more to say which was enlightening as well as resonating with us, in a charging sort of way.
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Very interesting blog, and I do agree that not just women’s lives are exaggerate about there experiences. Its great to see that you live in the real world like me.
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The last paragraph is just soooo true.. Success and recognition ain’t really for those who break easily. I love this post
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Exactly! if there is a thirst to break free despite the criticism or awkwardness, i don’t think there is anything that can stop your drive except one chooses to give in.
I enjoyed reading too. You can check my rusty blog and consider following. Thanks.
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Alright then
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Great post! It’s an odd realisation that women, with or without children, have so much to share – but a nice realisation.
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Enjoyed reading this! Very much! 👏
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Nice to meet you I really enjoyed your post but I am sorry to say you don’t really qualify for the definition of spinster .it seems to me you luck the two basic characteristics of a spinster:lack of sense of humor and bitterness towards the world.i see you more like a single fun woman😀
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How can she say 12 tips on cooking a turkey isn’t vital?!?! All kidding aside, my point is, don’t judge a book by its cover, and because something may not be vital to you, doesn’t mean it’s not vital to someone else. I couldn’t agree more with how important it is to be real, not to mention healthy!
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Right? Millions of turkeys are being eaten this very day! Thank you for your comment!
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I loved this. Brutal. Honest. :)
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I got on my high horse :-)
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👍
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Thanks for this. Really good read.
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You are most welcome. Thank you for reading!
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Im a mom of three and just starting to blog and not so confident yet about this new journey but thanks to you..it feels great to read this
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You can do it! Mom blogging is a great thing to do – you gather memories, make friends, improve your writing and share your thoughts. Good luck!
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I can’t agree more with every word you wrote in your post. You have hit the nail on its head.
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Thank you. I think Reese missed the boat on this one. It’s weird, because she has a blog!
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Loved it…I have read something so good after so long… excluding the dead novelists and dramatists…
The thing about being real is just so inspiring..this happens only to those who wait…
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I think becoming real happens most often to those who love and who are loved. I wish that for everyone.
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This really made me smile. I’ve been blogging for two weeks and I’ve already connected with some amazing women and men through appreciation of the truth we blog about! I also realised very quickly that my blog wasn’t just relatable to Co parenting single moms like myself, my posts are relatable to anyone. Thank you for writing this!!
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Awesome. Blogging is such a nice way to find your people. It is especially great for mothers because you’re going through so much and you want to ask “Is it just me, or???”
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Some of my experiences are definitely “just me” things 😂 but there’s loads that many people relate to. I am so glad I started blogging, it’s a lovely community 🙂
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I think it takes a very special person to have the talent and bravery to clearly articulate such personal experiences in a public forum.
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Mommy blogs are really getting famous day by day :O
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They have been around for a long time. I’m glad more people are reading them, though.
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It is an honor to be your friend.
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Likewise! You help make me real.
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Thank you for this it was inspiring to read really enjoyed it thank you.
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Amazing article , can i share it on my personal blog ?
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You can link to it for sure. Thank you for asking.
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Thanks for writing this!
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You are most welcome!
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I also don’t have kids, but I do follow some mommy blogs, and I love them. This work is a sad place if we can not empathize and enjoy people who come from other walks of life and deal with other things which probably do not include chauffeurs, and people doing our hair every single day sometimes twice a day… <3
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Exactly. I do my own hair with some water and a comb :-)
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This is very nice…I’m impressed.
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Thank you!
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As a mommy blogger I ABSOLUTELY love this!
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Thanks, Nesha. We’re all in this together.
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Great blog. Thank you for writing a great piece
http://MoneyMyLife.com/?refcode=26186
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Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate it!
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You are welcome.
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it’s really a nice blogs its give me alot of thought what to write for my next blogs… God bless you….
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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Welcome
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I didn’t expect this to be so refreshing and insightful. I’m new to the blogosphere and I’m not a mom. However, that’s the wonderful thing about blogs in general, regardless of their subtext or target audience, you’re exposed to things you’ve never thought about, and learn something new everyday from an individual’s experience or expertise. That is a blessing in itself. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I will be sure to check the blogs that you’ve mentioned ^_^
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Thank you. I am glad you liked it. Some of the people I mentioned, like Melissa Summers, don’t blog anymore. But there are lots of good blogs out there!
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Great article! I got involved with blogging not terribly long ago. One could say I’m socially awkward, I don’t have lifelong friends like all the “real girls.” I began my blogging to improve my own writing and to connect with others. It’s been a slow process.
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Blogging isn’t what it used to be, thanks to Facebook. It used to be a much smaller community. Now almost no one comes to my blog unless I post links elsewhere. I’m learning to promote all my posts by putting posting on facebook and adding the link to the first comment – because Facebook is apparently prejudiced against links. I hope you find your tribe!
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A well-written piece. Reese Witherspoon should have put it more carefully, but I suspect she was trying to say that women are interested in more than cliched mothering and cooking advice, with which I assume most of us agree. I doubt she intended insult to thoughtful blogs that happen to be written by mothers.
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I certainly hope so, but blogs written by mothers have been so insulted and made light of over the years that I might be oversensitive.
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What really caught my attention is your honesty. I love that and I truly believe that by being true to ourselves; we are being true to others and that is something priceless nowadays. My name is Laura Kolokitha and it makes me more than happy to come across “voices” like yours that speak the truth from their hearts. :)
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Thank you, Laura. That was my sister’s name. Her birthday was Nov. 26 and she would have been 67 years old yesterday.
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You are more than welcome! May you always be good to remember her (it’s a saying that we have in Greece that I love and have always gave me strength at the loss of loved ones) as I am sure she is with you! Watching over you.💕
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You are a spiritual mother by God given gift. Every woman is given the gift of motherhood and it is up to her to accept or reject it. It is yours to nurture and flourish and give life. Womanhood is fruitful and it is ours to carry life and grow it.
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Also ours to receive
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Yes, yes, and more yes to this! Thank you for putting in pixels such inspiring words as to why so many people write.
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I really wouldn’t be who I am without blogs.
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Giving birth and being born brings us into the essence of creation, where the human spirit is courageous and bold and the body, a miracle of wisdom.
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Thank you!
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Nice post! Feel free to check out my blog i just started :)
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This was a breath of fresh air thank you !
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Thank you!
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I loved reading this! Thanks for writing it :)
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I don’t have any kids, to me mums/moms are just people who have kids. And everyone who has something to say, can write, and discovers blogging eventually gets to say what they need to people who want to read them. I’ve been blogging (not in my current blog) since 2004 and have lost count of the number of blogs I’ve enjoyed reading and bloggers I’ve enjoyed getting to know – mothers included. :) By the way, I’m now following your blog as I am enjoying your own blog posts.
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Thanks for following and commenting. It certainly inspires me to keep writing. I have let it lapse so badly for the past few years. Facebook stole my soul but I am trying to reclaim it (deleted Facebook off my phone).
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Great post. I wholeheartedly agree.
Misogyny is so ingrained that many women feel the need to denigrate other women while trying to discuss elevating women in their profession.
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That is true!
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Excellent read
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Way to say it like it is …. being REAL! Great post.
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Thank you! I try to be real all the time.
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GREAT POST! This was such a lovely post to read. Thank you so much for sharing! jwsrant.com
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As a just starting out mummyblogger this was a fab read thankyou.
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i just stummbled across this and oh my god. its sooooo goood <3 check my blog out. i hope you like it.
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I loved this. I just started my blog last month. I had no idea how bad people bash mom blogs until recently! I was so appalled I even wrote a blog post, “In Defense of Mom Blogs” about it. Your post was great. Thank you!
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